Ok, for any comics contemplating coming over to England, here's some advice;

1/- Definitely get in touch with Geoff Whiting of Mirth Control to assist in organising gigs PRIOR to your arrival. You can do so by emailing geoff@mirthcontrol.org this is so that you can have some paid gigs from the moment you arrive. Even if they're small paying gigs, they are paying gigs

2/- Try to avoid doing open spots or free gigs under the guise of "showcasing" or so other promoters/bookers can see you do your thing. I equate that to getting a job as an extra on a film in the hopes of one day being noticed by a director who will make you into a star... not going to happen. If you're good at something, never do it for free.

3/- The days of sending a showreel are over, create a free website (google "free website" and pick one) nd put links to or embed clips of your shows. Keep the clips short.

4/- Get details of the venue's address as early as possible. This is so you can book well in advance your train trips to the venues and have an idea about what stations are closest. EG I have a gig coming up in Oxford, from Wimbledon where I live I was able to book a return trip from Paddington to Oxford for £4 yes FOUR! To book it today it would cost £22.40 one way

Thats about it for now except for a couple of new gags;

Trying to shed a few pounds I started eating Special K for breakfast, I used it right up until the point I grew tits, wasn't the body shape I was going for... even if I did look fucking good in a red swimsuit!

Orangina... my second favourite of all 'gina's"

I never knew that guys in wheelchairs could masturbate, which would be kind of odd, because you wouldn't be able feel an impending orgasm, which would make masturbating kind of like a messy jack in the box... de de de de diddle de de de de de dee de splash!

Passengers charged extra for their RyanAir flight after turbulance was billed as an inflight massage.

I hate it when call centres are outsourced overseas, a friend of mine rang LifeLine and was connected to Pakistan! When they found out he was suicidal they immediately asked if he could drive a truck