So once again, I see that I have been really bloody slack in keeping this thing updated. However, I suppose it just gives me more to write about (?). In any case, things have been progressing and progressing well. I'm no longer MC in Lanzarote, turned out to be a short run as permanent MC of a bi monthly gig which quickly became a tri-monthly gig and now they may be running their last comedy gig. However, I suspect that I may not be on the bill due to telling off a woman in the crowd during the course of the previous show only to be approached by one of her friends after that gig to tell me that I had really upset her because the woman I told off was one of the most helpful people on the island when it came to charity events, I responded by advising her that she talked the whole way through my presentation and the acts presentation and I was remarkably civil towards her, a courtesy I didn't extend to very many people who are being rude during a show. To which she responded, well I saw you last time...this time you were absolute shit. Now, I'm not one to take anyone's comments to heart, but I did feel some rebuttal was in order... I responded with... 'I was nice to her during the show, because that's what I was hired to do, however, the show is finished now and I'm under no such obligation to be nice to you... so if you wouldn't mind taking your dry dusty old fallopian tubes and fucking off now that would be great.'
I have for the first time in my life future bookings, future!!! I've never had that before. Adding up the average fees less commission I have almost $20,000 (NZD) in future bookings from now until the end of the year. I'm pre-booked almost every weekend and in many cases Thursday's as well as Fridays with Jongleurs & Glee clubs, I'm working with other smaller promoters who run gigs mid week so still managing to get paid work Monday - Wednesday's as well. That seems to be one of the keys to making it work over here, club work on the weekends and smaller gigs mid week, this allows you to test new gear before presenting it at the clubs and you still manage to make a few £'s to keep the account ticking over. Which is pretty vital. A friend of mine from NZ recently asked me how much money I thought it would cost him to relocate to the UK, here's what I told him;
Hmm... well, I moved lock stock and barrel so it cost me a little more. Do you have a working visa? If you do then that's a little more off the overall cost, if you don't and you get caught working over here you get turfed out of the country and are forbidden from entering or up to 10 years even as a tourist!
Rent of a decent place anywhere in London for your own place can run between £500 & £2000 per month depending on where you want to live (Mine costs £750 per month) Council tax (up to £100 per month) is generally on top of your rent and usually doesn't include standard utilities (Gas/Power/Water) which depending on usage can be around £120 per month all up, add in phone internet & sky tv (bundled) generally around £35 per month. You also need 10 weeks rent as a deposit - yes 10 weeks and if you go through a letting agent their fee gets tacked on top of that (usually two weeks).
You can minimise all of this by getting into a flat sharing deal (like me) and pay a fraction of the total cost depending on how many flatmates you have. I would recommend this when starting out. so lets run a trial budget based on £350 per month for a single room somewhere relatively nice, sharing with three other people.
£350 (rent) + 10 weeks bond (£3500) + £65 (utilities/ph/internet/council tax) total moving in costs £3915
Travel within London is done via Oyster card and is roughly £10 per week, can't really judge what travel outside of London will cost (Rail & Coach) as it depends on work flow - more work = more costs.
Food per week for one can generally be done for around £50 per week - food is relatively cheap here and you can get quite a bit for that if you shop wisely ie. Morrisons rather than Waitrose supermarkets.
So if you take into account $1500 nzd on flights, to stay for one month in London it will cost £3,355 + £1500 (rent for the month) totalling £4855 or about $10,000 + flights for the first month, month two looks much better with costs being £350 rent + £155 for bills from food to council tax, utilities and travel.
But don't let that fool you, the hard part is not getting to the UK it's being able to afford to stay. You have to be seriously proactive in getting work for yourself even if you're lucky enough to sign with an agent prior to your arrival. 


It's not accurate. You are already a professional comedian performing at a level equal to or above other acts currently being booked to perform in established clubs for 20 minutes or more.

Repeat this mantra every time you speak to a new agent/booker/promoter and feel free to argue about having to do open mike spots to prove yourself to them. They have google, you have video's and reviews. You represent less risk of failing than booking a regular open mike performer for a 20 minute spot. (In a couple of cases where I have flat refused to do an open mike spot I struck a deal where if the crowd were not happy with my performance I'd do the 20 minute spot for nothing and never bother them again.) Bear in mind that established clubs will ask you to do one or two 10 minute preview spots unpaid with a view towards regular 20 minute sets. Agree to do those, there is a marked difference between 'open spot' and 'preview spot' here. If you do too many unpaid open spots, bookers will only see you as an open mike performer and only offer you work as that kind of act.

When you have the money to get here (don't forget to talk to your bank to see if they have UK partner banks that will open a UK account for you from NZ!!!) let me know and I'll furnish you with agent/visa/booker/promoter details to get you started.

Re: The bank account thing - you need a UK account, to get one after you arrive is a nightmare because they won't give you one without having a home address, and you can't get a home address without the landlord knowing you have a job that can pay the rent, but you can't get a job without having a UK Bank account to pay wages into.... vicious cycle and how they've set shit up to make it as difficult as possible for illegal immigrants to stay.

Sorry for the novella, but it's all critical info relating to your queries :D

Hope it helps bro


My review;

Comedian Andre King was on tour all the way from New Zealand and this man-mountain Maori really was irresistibly funny. His observational style and matey line in crowd approach could make him a valuable export from the land far away. Some nice lines here, including a very funny placenames section that was rib-tickling.
Mark Ritchie The Stage 

Some pretty cool lines there 'irresistibly funny', 'man-mountain Maori' lol... ko ahau te Maunga? Aua!